Dear Timahoe

Dear Timahoe,

Who can I blame if I find out that somebody stole my identity and has been using it to work in a pork slaughterhouse in Iowa for the past seven months?

Instinctively I want to blame the public school system for instilling self worth into the the minds of people from low social classes who should be happy to be wage slaves, but now feel entitled to safe work environments and a living wage.

Cheers!

Willy in Iowa

Dear Willy,
You've heroically stated your question given the outrage you must feel. There's really no one to blame in this case but the liberal media. Those mealy-mouthed Volvo drivers who feed you the evening news want to frame the new immigration debate through the emotional lens of Ellis Island and the hardworking folks who came through there. In actuality, those urchins working in slaughterhouses on fake social security cards are trying to do nothing but bank money and send it back to their families so they too can come to America. Just yesterday I wanted to buy bacon, do you think I want it from some slaughterhouse where the packagers have fake social security numbers? Hell no. I want justice. I want to be safe in my neighborhood. Don't you know that those workers come home from the slaughterhouse with a six pack and are looking for trouble? Take back our country Willy!!
Yours,
KT